IN THE COMBINED COURT CENTRE AT PORTSMOUTH
Before HIS HONOUR JUDGE LURIE
BRITISH ANTIQUITIES MUSEUM [PERSON A]
-v-
BURTON-TAYLOR PAPERBACKS [PERSON B]
MS. POTTS (barrister) appeared on behalf of the claimant, the BRITISH ANTIQUITIES MUSEM
MR BURTON (publisher) appeared on behalf of the respondent, BURTON-TAYLOR PAPERBACKS
MS. POTTS: May I please your Honor; in this matter I represent the Museum.
MR. BURTON: May I please your Honor, I represent Burton-Taylor Paperbacks. As a small, independent publisher, I cannot afford to hire a barrister. I believe the facts will speak for themselves.
JUDGE LURIE: That is for the court to decide, Mr. Burton. Let us proceed. According to the lawsuit initiated by the Museum, the author of the forthcoming book, The Bard & The Barman, threatens to defame William Shakespeare, the British public and the British Antiquities Museum. Furthermore, the Museum contends that your author has plagiarized a document in the sole possession of the Museum. How do you answer the charge?
MR. BURTON: Stuff and nonsense, your honor. In the first place, freedom of expression is guaranteed in the Human Rights Act. In the second place, whatever relevant document the museum possesses is based on my author’s novel, not vice versa.
MR. POTTS: Objection, your Honor. According to the author’s own, written account, the Chunnel Scroll was entrusted to the museum for safekeeping. Isn’t that true, Mr. Burton?
MR. BURTON: Yes, but…
JUDGE LURIE: No ifs, ands or buts, Mr. Burton. Just answer the question. Yes or no.
MR. BURTON: Yes, your Honor.
Book Detour to Hell & Paperback 
